Friday, September 23, 2005

Kids, They Wear the Darndest Things

The role of costume in this society is an elevated one. Young children come to the beach in full dress-up of a cartoon or comic book character. Picture a blazingly hot afternoon on the sand when a kid comes walking by in a Batman outfit. Then a girl dressed up as Spiderman. Followed by a 5-year old version of The Hulk, wearing a padded muscle suit.

I don't know how they can stand such heat, let alone walk around in a masked disguise. If the quality of children's novelty wear is anything like the imported numbers back home, there must be a number of youngsters that spontaneously combust each year. Warning: keep offspring away from open flame!

I am not sure what the allure is for the kids to dress up AND go to the beach. It seems as if one would be a sufficient activity by itself. Although the child's imagination is quite vast, I've never read a comic book where Superman shows up at the beach to protect the world from the deadly UltraViolet Man.

The trend continues in adolesence. School outfits are modified from the traditional formal, English institutional dress, with gaudy blazers (with emphasized external stitching), bad ties and hiked-up shorts. The fashion implications that must manifest later in life by wearing these get-ups has to be disasterous. The Aussie flavor is to add massive floppy hats to the ensemble, as to protect the pasty 'sons and daughters of Anglo' (present company not excluded) from a decidedly un-Britian like intensity of the sun. The combination makes it appear as if a Benedictine Nun decided to take a vacation. The sweater vests, however, are a classy touch. It gives an 'Angus Young' effect to every child, destined to a life of non-stop rocking.

Forwarding on to adulthood, where the court's magistrates don thy queen's royal funny robe and curly wig. Peggy and I were strolling down Macquarie street when we saw a judge in full garb battling the wind. His hairpiece got a bit of lift off his head, creating a pretty comical effect of surprise . Do judges who normally wear toupeés just swap out their natural colored rug for the court-appointed version, or do they go just two ply? I must know these things. Also, I am guessing that the more senior in rank you advance in the courts, the longer your locks get to be. The Aussie equivilant of the Supreme Court Chief Justice has waist-length dreadlocks.

We've got some friends that are having a Halloween party, so we'll be able to investigate the 'fancy dress' options to the fullest. I'm going as UltraViolet Man, Peggy as an Echidna.

I also realize that this post could be deemed somewhat incomplete without proper photographic examples illustrating various funny get-ups at all phases of Australian life. Yet, 'Excuse me, ma'am, may I shoot your children?' is not as effective of a line as one would think.

posted by ncawthon at 11:53 AM