Saturday, August 27, 2005

5 Suggestions for Improving Cricket

Although cricket has been dubbed ‘the gentleman's game’, there are a few things that would help improve this sport's watchability amongst the crucial 18-25 year-old, ‘Gen-Y’ demographic. If 'the Cricky' is ever to catch on in the U.S., some changes need to be made.


  1. Instead of a passive insect like a cricket, a name like 'MANTIS' (all caps for that in-your-face emphasis), suggesting that the losing team gets their heads bitten off by their wives.

  2. Tea breaks (with cucumber sandwiches) throughout the day should be replaced by mandatory group tequilia shots. Losing team has to do one per knocked wicket.

  3. Currently, the players hand their dapper V-neck, wool sweater vests to the umpire before their bowling rotation. I think that a Hulk Hogan style disrobing (complete with flourishing ‘I can't hear you’ gesture) would be much more effective in reaching out to kids these days.

  4. Players toss the ball gleefully in the air like little school boys every time they record even the most routine of outs. A more expressive end-zone dance needs to result. A simple Moon Walk? Perhaps the Ickey Shuffle? Either of those tried and true staples would more than suffice for cricket. I mean MANTIS.

  5. The game is currently played over a five-day test (weather permitting) in a pitch called an Oval, which is defined by a white picket fence . This needs to be changed to a 90-minute battle in the electrified, steel Octagon cage. Then, and only then, will the strongest survive.

As I watch Peggy's second practice conclude, I can't help (and who amongst us cannot, really) but to fantasize about the potential of this grand old game.

posted by ncawthon at 10:38 AM